"Eureka!"
- That guy you know who fixed his computer that one time
Don't know why I didn't think of it till today, but I bought a seven dollar USB drive and am downloading the latest Lubuntu LTS ISO via wget. All I need to do now is wait for the file to download, use dd to burn it to my flash drive and then fix my install. The real solution will be probably be "reinstall OS" which I'm okay with.
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